How To Deal With Bullies
What is fogging?
Hi, my name is Niki and I am a counselling psychotherapist and I work with a lot of teenagers. I am here to talk to you about some of the issues that you might find that you are dealing with as a teenager. And I would hopefully give you some tips that might be useful. I am going to talk to you about how to deal with bullies or being a bullied obviously. Bullying can be physical or people avoid you. It could be name-calling, it could be taking things off you like a phone and it could be people ignoring you, it could be sign of a bully. All types of bullying are either intimidating and could knock someone's confidence and leave someone feeling really bad about themselves. So, one of the most important things is you get help if you are being bullied, you try and get some support for dealing with it. Don't feel like you have to deal with it all on your own. Find out, if it's in a school, if there is a school teacher whom you can go to. If it's in a college, someone you can go to and talk about the bullying. Your friends, let them know what's going on and same with the family members. Or go to childline where you can talk to someone confidently, a childline. But you definitely tell someone, and try to remember why people are bullying. They are trying to find ways of feeling power for themselves because they are perhaps quite insecure in themselves. And there are so many different types of bullying. But all this, there are kind of ways to respond to bullying. It's three main ways. You can obviously try and ignore it because people, with bullies, they want reaction, they want to intimidate, they want to put someone down. And not all types of bullying can be ignored. If you are physically hurt, then you need to get help. And you won't be able to ignore something like that. But some lower types of bullying like name calling, you might be able to just ignore and move on to someone else or don't just move on. If that is not possible, carrying on, then you may need to get someone else involved, so some of your families, your friends, your school or college or someone in your community that might know them than not might be something that you need to think about doing. You also need to think about how you want to react back to bullying. For some to try and feel more confident, more assertive and speak back to bullying can be really effective. It depends on what you are saying and what type of bullying is going on. But one of the ways that's most effective if you are going to react back to bullying is to do it in a way which makes them feel that you are not being intimidated or put down by them. So even if you are feeling very panicky and scared, try and you need to mainly to practice this. If you are with self and friends, you have to try and respond in a way that shows that actually what they are saying doesn't hurt you, doesn't mean anything, even though it might. So, one of the ways might be to kind of ask them, the why question, what's going off in their mind, they are asking you. Some of these are called fogging, and fogging is just believing what they are saying as if it means nothing to you anyway. Someone picking on your food, color of your hair and you are saying, "Yeah, I love this color of hair." You are diffusing the kind of attack in doing that. There is lots of information on bullies, you go online and have a look at it. What type of information on how to deal with bullies is out there or call a bullying helpline. Act good and hang around with friends because certainly that will help as well. They can support you fully. If you are being bullied that might be useful. And try and learn to how to deal your emotions when you are actually being bullied. Don't hide your emotions as you need support in dealing with this. But don't let them see that you are getting to them. And finally, it's very important that you don't blame yourself, and end up bullying yourself which some pe