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Hi I'm Christine Hassler, I'm a Life Coach, Author and Speaker, here today with About.com to talk to you about what not to do during conflict resolution. So the first don't in conflict resolution is avoiding confrontation altogether.Often times conflict can feel very scary and so we procrastinate or we avoid or we don't start the conversation. But the only way to resolve conflict is to start getting the conversation going, because that's the only way you can get to solutions.The second don't is being defensive. Now we all like to be right and we all like to feel like we're really understood. But when we're constantly attached to our position and being right and acting defensive and not really hearing anything the other person is going to say, then we just keep adding layers to the conflict. So if you want to be effective in your conflict resolution, stop being defensive.The third don't is overgeneralizing. Now when we're in a heated conversation, it's really tempting to use words like you always do this and you never do that. And those are huge trigger words for the other person. Try to avoid that as much as you can and just stick to specific examples.
The next don't is making assumptions. A lot of times we go into any conflict thinking we know everything the other person is thinking and everything they're going to say. It's like we're having the whole conversation in our head without the other person even being there. So avoid making any assumptions at all. Go in there only with the information you truly know, and gather the rest of the information by asking questions.
And finally don't be too attached to winning the argument. When two people go into a conflict and both just really want to win the argument, sometimes they avoid seeing a solution. Consider that the solution that could resolve the conflict isn't something that you even thought of. And if you can let go of needing to be right and needing to win, you may come up with a creative solution that both of you are happier with. Thank you for watching.
To learn more, go online to About.com.
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